


Remarked

by Frostwing



Series: House of Rewrite [1]
Category: House of Night - P. C. Cast & Kristin Cast
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Multi, Satire, Spitefic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 09:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3564734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostwing/pseuds/Frostwing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you're a House of Night fan, you might not like this.</p><p>House of Night is, in this user's opinion, a nice premise let down by its execution. However, we can rebuild it. We have the technology.</p><p>This is House of Rewrite: Remarked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remarked

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome one and all! You might be wondering, what is this? Why am I doing this? Well, I'll tell you:
> 
> 1: This is a rewrite of the first House of Night book, done to the best of my ability.* No, "Marked" isn't a bad title, but I'm calling it "Remarked" because I thought it would be at least mildly amusing. (Title supplied by a friend since I wasn't sure what I wanted to go with.)
> 
> 2: I'm doing this for a few reasons. The short answer is that I think the book's execution is poor, and it could be so much better. The long answer is that I think the book is riddled with bad/awkward writing at best, and absolutely nasty and toxic writing at worst. It's racist, homo/biphobic, slut-shaming, and more!
> 
> It's my opinion that this book is _not_ a good model for kids. And also it makes me angry and a little sad. It doesn't have to be this way, though. I decided to rewrite this as something of an educational satirical piece, to point out what's wrong and try to make right. Plus I think it's fun. So, here it is! I'll use the author's notes at the end of each chapter to explain what I changed and why.
> 
> *I'm not a perfect writer. I know this. But I'm at least a decent writer, so this rewrite will be at least decent. I hope you enjoy it!

“No, but Zoey, I _swear to God_ Heath didn’t get _that_ drunk after the game. You shouldn’t be so hard on him.” Kayla’s tone was animated as usual.

“Yeah,” I said absently. “Sure.” Then I coughed. Again. I felt like crap. I must’ve been coming down with something. If I died, would it get me out of my geometry test tomorrow? One could only hope.

“Zoey, please. Are you even listening? I think he only had like four--I dunno--maybe six beers, and maybe like three shots. But that’s totally beside the point. He probably would’ve had barely any if your stupid parents hadn’t made you go home right after the game.”

I gave her a look. It wasn’t my job to make sure Heath stayed out of trouble, even though it was _becoming_ my job. And as much as I tried not to feel responsible, I still felt pangs of guilt. I don’t think she noticed my expression, though, because she kept talking like normal.

“Plus, he was celebrating. I mean, we beat Union!” K shook my shoulder and brought her face close to mine. “Hello! Your boyfriend--”

“My almost-boyfriend,” I corrected her, trying my best not to cough on her.

“Whatever. He’s our quarterback, so of course he’s going to celebrate. It’s been, like, a million years since Broken Arrow beat Union.”

“Sixteen.”

“Again, _whatever_. The point is, he was happy. You should give the boy a break.”

“The point is that he was wasted for like the fifth time this week.” To be frank, I was seriously worried about him. Maybe I just wasn’t showing it in the best way. It was hard not to be frustrated with him when he was too drunk to talk right or walk straight.

I broke into a coughing fit. Dizziness came over me as I tried to breathe again.

“You’re so grumpy when you’re sick. Anyway, you have no idea how lost-puppy-like Heath looked after you ignored him at lunch. He couldn’t even…?”

Someone stood by my locker. The moment I saw him, my blood ran cold. There was no mistaking what he was; I couldn’t miss his mark, the sapphire-blue crescent moon on his forehead and entwining knot work that framed his eyes. He was a vampyre. But worse, since he was showing up at my school like this, that meant one thing: he was a tracker.

“Zoey…?” K followed my eyes.

The vampyre looked bored and vaguely annoyed. When he spoke the ceremonial words, they had little tone.

“Zoey Montgomery. Night has chosen thee; thy death will be thy birth. Night now calls to thee; hearken to Her voice. Thy destiny awaits thee at the House of Night.”

He lifted one long, white finger and pointed at me. My forehead exploded in pain. K screamed.

When the bright splotches cleared from my eyes, I looked up to see K’s colorless face staring down at me.

I said the first thing that came to mind. “K, your eyes are popping out of your head.”

“He marked you! You have the outline of that thing on your forehead!” Then she pressed a shaking hand against her mouth, trying to hold back a sob and failing.

I sat up and coughed. I had a killer headache. It hurt as if a wasp had stung me, and radiated pain down around my eyes, all the way across my cheekbones. I felt like I might puke.

“Zoey!” K was really crying now, and had to speak in wet little hiccups. “Oh my _God_. That guy was a tracker--a vampyre tracker!”

“K...” I blinked hard, trying to clear the pain from my head. “Don’t cry…” I managed to get to my feet, and reached out to attempt a comforting pat on her shoulder.

She cringed and moved away from me.

I couldn’t believe it. She actually cringed, like she was afraid of me. She must have seen the hurt in my eyes, because she started a string of breathless babble.

“Oh, _God_ , Zoey! What are you going to do? You can’t go to that place. You can’t be one of those things. This can’t be happening!”

I noticed that all during her tirade, she didn’t once move any closer to me. I clamped down on the sick feeling inside that threatened to make me burst into tears. I couldn’t cry now.

“It’s okay,” I lied. “I’ll figure this out. It’s probably some...bizarre mistake.”

Grimacing at the pain in my head, I looked around. The vampyre was gone, and I felt a small measure of relief that K and I were the only ones remaining in the hall. Scratch that, there was one other kid. He stood there, staring at me, his mouth flapping open. I met his gaze; he yelped and scrambled out of the hall, clutching his books to his chest. Then I coughed again, this time a really wet, disgusting cough.

“Zoey? Are you okay?” K’s voice sounded too high, and she’d taken another step away from me.

I sighed, feeling a twinge of anger. It wasn’t like I’d asked for this. K and I had been best friends since third grade, and now she was looking at me like I’d turned into a monster.

“Kayla, it’s just me. The same me I’ve always been.” I made a frustrated gesture toward my throbbing head. “This doesn’t change who I am!”

K’s eyes teared up again, but before she could start full-on crying, her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket, and I glimpsed her boyfriend’s picture on the screen.

“Go on,” I said in a flat, tired voice. “Ride home with him.” Her look of relief was like a slap in my face.

“Call me later?” she threw over her shoulder as she retreated out the side door. I didn’t answer.

From where I was, I could hear her talk in frantic bursts over the phone, probably telling her boyfriend how I was turning into a monster. And that was the brighter of my two options. Option 1: I turn into a vampyre, which equals a monster in just about any human’s mind. Option 2: My body rejects the Change and I die.

At least I wouldn’t have to take the geometry test tomorrow.

I’d have to move into the House of Night, a private school in Tulsa’s Midtown, where I would spend the next four years going through bizarre and unnameable physical changes. If the whole process didn’t kill me.

Shit. That was right. I had to get to the House of Night, and I had to get there _now_. I hurried to the door, messing with my hair to try to cover my forehead. As I stepped outside into the student parking lot, I kept my head down, pretending to focus on the contents of my purse. Praying no one would notice me, I crossed the crowded lot. The sun beat down on my skin. It didn’t exactly burn, but it hurt. I had to squint to keep my eyes from stinging, too.

Before I could get to my car, a truck squealed to a stop in front of me. I jumped back, struggling not to fall over from the new wave of dizziness.

“Hey Zo! Didn’t you get my message?”

Oh no. I did _not_ need to deal with Heath right now.

“Sorry, I’m in a hurry, gotta go!” I tried to head around the truck, not lifting my eyes. I heard him hop out, and in a moment, he grabbed my shoulder.

“What’s the rush?” he asked.

“I’m really busy,” I said, trying to shake his hand off.

Instead, he pulled me around to face him. A glance up showed me he had a beer in his free hand and a dopey grin on his face.

“C’mon, come hang out!”

“I can’t. I’ve got--” I broke off as another round of wet coughs shook my body.

“Wow, Zo, you sound really sick.” Without warning, Heath put his hand on my forehead. I froze, turning my eyes up to see what he’d do. When he took his hand off again, his own eyes bulged. “You’re--”

“Yes, I am! Now I have to get going or I am _going to die_! Bye!” I tore away from him, running to where I’d parked my vintage Bug. I hurled open the passenger-side door, threw my stuff onto the seat, slammed the door again, and dashed around to the driver’s side. Heath called after me, but I didn’t listen. I hopped in, fastened my seatbelt, and fished around for a pair of sunglasses. Putting them on didn’t help too much, but I’d take what I could get.

Going about as quickly as I could without hitting anyone, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed for home. I had to pack, and I had to leave. I could only hope my parents would understand.

Right. Of course they would.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My edits:
> 
> \--Tried to make the dialogue more realistic/believable.
> 
> \--Changed sentences that were awkward and removed sentences that were needless.
> 
> \--Removed Zoey's nastiness towards Kayla, since they're supposed to be best friends. Really, she said some unkind stuff about K.
> 
> \--Made Zoey actually worried about Heath rather than disdainful, since Heath has a very obvious alcohol problem. Given that they're somewhat maybe kinda dating, I thought it reasonable that she'd at least care about him.
> 
> \--Changed the tracker's attitude. He was originally described as having a "dangerous and seductive" voice. In fact, his words were described as "dangerous and seductive, like blood mixed with melted chocolate." No, I'm not kidding. Blood mixed with melted chocolate. Mmmm. Anyway, since this guy is hanging around a high school locker waiting for some kid to show up, I figured he wouldn't be using that kind of voice. Can you imagine someone being like, "Aw yeah, here she comes, I'm gonna get my _blood and chocolate_ voice on, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna be so seductive to this teen high school girl." So...I took that out.
> 
> \--Tweaked the ceremonial words to have more rhythm. Generally speaking (from what I've heard), ceremonial words tend to have rhythm and rhyme to help people memorize them. I didn't want to write entirely new words, though. I also changed the original "Your destiny awaits you at the House of Night" to fit the "thy" and "thee" scheme that had already been started. I don't know why that one sentence was different, but I found it jarring.
> 
> \--No, I'm not capitalizing "tracker" or "mark." Now, I'm not against capitalization of Important Things, but when you do it a ton, it loses its effect. And so many things in this book are capitalized. So many.
> 
> \--Removed K's "rabbit-in-the-headlights expression" when she sees that her boyfriend is calling (and put in something else so Zoey would know who the caller was). Yes, the book uses "rabbit" instead of "deer." No, Zoey in the book doesn't seem the least bit concerned that K looking _scared_ when her boyfriend calls is a regular thing. I'm worried about K, you guys.
> 
> \--Added an actual sense of urgency. Seriously, Zoey is supposed to be dying. We're supposed to have the idea that if she doesn't get to the House of Night, she will _die_. And let me tell you, if I were dying, I wouldn't be hanging around and deliberating. I'd move my ass!
> 
> \--Speaking of swearing, yes, I made Zoey say "shit." She's described in the book as not liking swears, but she uses words like "slut" and "whore" with liberal abandon. So I took out the idea that she doesn't like swearing, because it's clearly not true. Plus, Zoey's typical words such as "turd" and "poopie" just don't seem appropriate to the situation.
> 
> \--Related to adding a sense of urgency, I took out a bunch of needless narrative. This includes paragraphs like the stereotypical and demeaning description of the nerd kid (that was just unnecessary. I made him an ordinary kid), and the ensuing paragraph filled with stereotypical school "groups." And insults about goths and emos. Basically, I just took out almost everything after the bit where Zoey gets marked. She is supposed to be DYING, not standing there thinking and being judgmental!
> 
> \--Removed the whole thing where she goes back inside the school to stare at herself in a bathroom mirror (which is FILLED with racism and exotification, by the way). I don't care if she saw people she didn't like outside. If she doesn't make her way to the House of Night, she will die of vampyre ebola. If I were her, I would do everything I could to not die of vampyre ebola.
> 
> \--Merged part of chapter two in the original text with my chapter one, since it ended up being so short. Also, I thought those events went together well enough.
> 
> \--Took out a ton of her arguing with Heath, and made her seem a little more sick. Once again, urgency. But I still wanted Heath to see that she was marked, so I included a bit that would make it happen.
> 
> Okay! I edited more than just what I've listed here, but those are the major changes. If you'd like to discuss my choices with me in greater detail, or ask why I _didn't_ change certain things, I'd be happy to talk about them with you. Right now, I'll address the obvious: No, I did not change "vampyre" to "vampire." Yes, I think "vampyre" is a bit of a silly and pretentious spelling, but the book vampyres are so far removed from vampire lore that I decided to keep the distinction.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I'll try to update soon.


End file.
